Saddle Soap.....Mink Oil ?????

Recently I received a note from a friend who was passing along an e mail he had received from his buddy Dave Holeman. Many of you may remember Dave and his writing style from the heyday of motorcycle publications, he wrote for many. I had a hard time controlling my laughter as I read this. I completely understood. Some of the modern day vets will not remember Hi-Point but the concept of change applies to all of us. Enjoy Dave's perspective.

Saddle Soap

I've been after my son David to 'clean up and take care of his (expensive, leather) FootJoy golf shoes'. To no avail. "What do I clean'em with dad? Dish soap and water?" Me gray matter went into reverse and I tho, "Hmmm, Holyman, how'd we take care of all those leather boots back in the day? Sear's lace-up 'Linesmen Boots', AXOs, Full Bores, Alpinstars and, my fav, Hi-Points."

In his 'wood shop' they use a fair amount of "linseed oil" to finish, protect lumber projects...something I used gallons of in the Corps on M-1 and M-14 wooden stocks. And I remember all the stuff I used on my dirt bike, street too, boots to keep'em in good shape, clean, waterproof, snow proof. "David, I'll get you some 'Saddle Soap' to clean and protect those golf shoes, okay?" The obvious reply was, "Huh? Saddle Soap? What's that? Never heard of such a thing, are you kidding me, dad?"

I thought I had some Kiwi Saddle Soap 'round here, but found none. The other day I drop into the much vaunted "Sports Chalet #1" store in hi-zoot La Cañada, my neighbor. "Where's the Saddle Soap, please? I ask the 3 early-20s kids at the entry...greeters of sorts. "Ah, er, what's that again?" I repeat, slowly, "Saadddlle Soooaapp". A fascinating look of bewilderment comes across the faces of these three (2 boys, 1 girl) college grads. 

Okay, I'll give'm a hint: "You know, a dressing for care and cleaning of leather boots for example." The 'cool' blond lad walked me over to the Chalet's huge shoes department...10,000 tennies of all types. And hiking boots with a synthetic mountain to practice climbing on. Two sales guys there. "Saddle Soap? Never heard of that. What's it for?....Oh, over there on aisle-13." On 13 there's a small collection of spray cans, squeeze bottles and canisters for waterproofing (wax) re snow and sundry dumbshit crap priced for politicians to buy...on their expense account. Nothing for"leather care".

 My young guide looks and reads and is numb about what'n Hades there and what my request is. You know, at this moment, I felt both 'old' and 'smart as Einstein'. The lad looks at me, and complete sincerity says, "Sir, I just have no idea what Saddle Soap is and what you need. Sorry."

 It's at these moments I pray David will not be as useless and stupid and uninformed and without wit. I thought and didn't wanna insult this Cal Tech grad working a retail counter for minimum wage who's hard-on is smarter than both his hemispheres. So, back to basics: "What do you think Saddle Soap would mean, son?" The kid hadn't a phukking clue and we walked back to the entrance. I said, "Well, what are saddles made of, covered with?" Now there's a toughie! He didn't know!!! I suggested, "Leather?", and his eyes popped open..."Oh, I didn't think of that!" I said it's not a 'trick' question.

Now, says this ole Marine and dirt donker: "What do ya think saddle soap infers?" Again, as his walking pace slowed to a stop, "Ah, gee, I'm not sure." Now, how does one 'educate' young people with $250,000 college educations and degrees who are working in sporting goods stores, Subway, Target, Mickey Dees, etc. about, "What meanum...?"

"Hmm?" says I. So I ask if he knows what 'Kiwi shoe polish' is...never heard of it. Next, "Have you ever 'waxed and polished your dress shoes'?" We’re at the cash registers now, but it's 9:15 AM and the store's vacant. I asked the other two 'kids' at the counter..."Nah." Finally I asked, "How do you think world-class hikers, motorcycle racers, police, military and the like care for their leather boots and gear?" Silence. I've done it! How to "silence" teenagers who know everything.

I left actually depressed and humored. Brainiacs who can't tie their shoes. Billion dollar bridges in America built by our adversaries because we can't teach our kids how to weld...or clean & waterproof boots. Rosemont middle-school with the only "shop" class in Glendale Unified....Pasadena, Burbank and most all others in CA.

Somewhere in this mess of a house I know there's frigging Saddle Soap. Ah hah!!!!! In the hall closet, atop the shelf with the various small boxes (empty), there it is. Inside an old "Hi-Point Motocross Boot" cardboard box is my vintage supply of leather oils, medicines, potents and prescriptions for animal skin life and care. It was literally like opening a time capsule. I've lived here 26-1/2 years and 15 down in Montrose. Don't remember last time I looked in this box. The odor of waxes and chemicals was like walking past a bakery, donut shop...mind drifts back in time. Hundreds of images past. Honest to God! My Randsburg home...Baja...Cycle...Motorcyclist...Cycle Guide...Yamaha...Maico...Matchless...AJS...Greenhorn...Last Chance Enduro...Dirt Donks...Leo Lake...Braverman...Greenie...Noodleman...'Doon...JT...Schiller...Dale P. Boller...Donna...JC...Kem...virgin desert after a spring rain...endless dry lakes...downhills to die for...smokebombs...naked check points...hip-deep snow in the Mojave...broken bones...teens crippled...riders dead before their time...#1 in the world...hot wax and Xacto knives...DT-1...riding Bob Blair's 1st-Quacker...crashing...emergency rooms...casts...surgery...pain. Oh, now I remember why I quit that shit too.

Nonetheless, opened the box for David after school that day and had him stick his nose in it and see the "stuff" from back in the day. "Geese dad, what's all that stinky stuff for?  Smells awful." Opened one after another and had him sniff, touch and rub between his fingers. He was puzzled and fascinated. Explained what'n'hell "Saddlesoap" is and is for. But what still has him stumped are the Mink Oil containers. I told him way back in the day the rich would extract special oils from dead minks to make Mink Oil for their leather coats and shoes and things. "Dad, what's a mink?"

Before his start-of-the-season 'Toyota Tour Cup Qualifying School" next weekend down Elsinore way, he's gonna clean and treat his FootJoy size-13 golf shoes and find out what Saddle Soap and Hi-Point Mink Oil are. Sorry to be wordy...I kinda drifted back into a time warp at the smell of that Hi-Point boot box's contents.

Drop the banner, boys!

 Dave Holeman